my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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