i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
