I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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