we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
this is an emotional support booty call
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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