this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
