My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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