Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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