I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
My liver just had a heart attack.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
