he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
is that a dick in a sweater?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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