btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize