Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
