dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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