In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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