Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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