Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
