hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
