Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
