I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
