I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
