If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
