i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
