The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
