Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
