Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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