1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
cat food counts as protein by the way
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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