Will you blow on my dice?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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