your parents love me but you hate me
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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