He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Randomize
