i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She's the barista slut.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
