how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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