beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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