i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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