Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
