I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize