you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Everclear isn't food dammit
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
