i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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