My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
