a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
