Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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