So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
