I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
