It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
