Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
