don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
there is puke in my bra ... again
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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