Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
