you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
