She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
