Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
