I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Randomize
