You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
time to smoke my breakfast
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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