i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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