the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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