Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
