Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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