And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
