My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
When did angry sex become our thing?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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