i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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