I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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