i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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