dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
