Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
