I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Actions speak louder than pants.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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