even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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