A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
