Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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