And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
