last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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