marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
