I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
