pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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