I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize