So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize