I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
