You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
